


Heart-to-Heart Moments And Saviors

by Fandoms_For_The_President



Series: It's All Right [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: After mark of cain, Angst with a Happy Ending, Biphobia, Bisexual Dean, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Bisexual Male Character, Brotherly Love, Coming Out, Dean Has Self-Esteem Issues, Dean Has Self-Worth Issues, Dean Loves Cas, Dean in Denial, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, I Had To, I'm Sorry, Internalized Biphobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Sam Ships It, Sam ships Destiel, Supportive Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-11 13:19:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4436915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandoms_For_The_President/pseuds/Fandoms_For_The_President
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During a hunt, Dean beats up some guys who says some stuff to him. Realizing this wasn't the first time Dean did this, Sam finally snaps, and learns that he doesn't know his brother as much as he thinks he does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heart-to-Heart Moments And Saviors

**Author's Note:**

> Set sometime after the removal of Mark Of Cain, but I didn't mention Darkness or stuff. Also, un-beta'ed, so please leave a message if anything's wrong. Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Update: Okay, so I came back to this poor fic and changed the terrible mistakes I made. Sorry you had to go through that!

After all, they  _were_ expecting some after effect from the Mark. Dean may have been cured, but he still gets angry over simple, meaningless things he tries to ignore, and is still strong, no matter how much he tries not to use it against anyone but the things they hunt. But this? This is different. Sam  _has_  seen his brother being angry over this issue, he hates to admit but this is not because of the Mark or its removal. 

Dean is quiet now, his lip split from that last smack to his head, knuckles bloody, a regretful but angry look in his green eyes. He is clearly thinking about what happened earlier that night, Sam can see his hands forming fists. 

"What were you thinking, Dean? Are you out of your mind? You know that you could've killed those guys!"

Dean remains silent. There isn't much to say, is there?

Sam, however, doesn't stop. He is determined to know why his such a stupid thing always drives his brother over to the edge. 

"And the thing is, we both know that this has happened before.  _Before_ the Mark. Why is this always the one that drives you crazy, Dean? I don't get it."

Dean still remains silent. He doesn't know what to say. 

* * *

_**Nevada, 2000** _

_The case was an annoying one. Two months and nothing. They didn't even know what they were dealing with. Dad had given this one to them, because he had found another one five hours away from the town they were staying in._

_"I quit. This is dumb. I don't know what Dad wants from us," Sam grunted, and shut the old book so hard that Dean flinched._

_"Huh?"_

_"The case, Dean. It drives me crazy. I need to_ study _for the big exam, not to do_ research _!"_

_"Oh. Sam, you need to help me with this. I can't do this one alone." His mind was obviously off to a different world, as usual. Sam sighed._

_"You don't give a damn about me, do you?"_

_"What on earth are you talking about? Of course I_ care _about you! It's just… things." He yawned and stretched his arms, forgetting for a slim second to hide the slash marks. Sam, gladly, didn't notice. He was too busy sticking his head to his own stuff._

 _"No you don't. Don't lie to me Dean, if you did, you would leave me alone with my lessons, or wouldn't go to that damn club every night! And you try to hide that you got into a fight, which is obvious! God, Dean, why do you do this to yourself, to_ me _?" Dean stared at the floor._

 _He had been in the…_ business _for three years now, although he hated to admit it, after the first year, he had been used to it and even liked it sometimes, because the part-time jobs were never enough to feed Sam. He really_ had  _gotten_ _into a fight that night, after his…_ night shift, _he had entered the club to wash up and drink until the contents of his stomach was out. Then_ that _guy had come. The one that was there every goddamn night, whenever Dean…_ worked _, the dude was always there, silently laughing at him._

 _"Hey, it's the_ cocksucker,  _he's here_ _again!"_

 _Dean had flinched, and tried to ignore the things the guy was saying._ It's for Sammy. If you get into a fight, Sammy will know. 

_But, eventually, the man had stepped over the goddamn line and Dean had snapped, jumping onto the guy, who happened to have a knife. As a result, he got ugly slash marks everywhere, and a shitty back._

_"I mean, what was that about this time? Someone insulted me? Called you stupid? Or did they call you-"_

_"A slut? Yes, Sam, that was what he called me. A big ugly_ fairy _." Sam gasped and stared at him._

_"But you're…"_

_"Not! Of course I am not!" He tried to get rid of the memories, of all the time he was_ that _, and all the times he did his…_ job _and even worse, enjoyed it._

 _"I didn't say you were! Why are you always so tense over this? God, Dean, I_ never _understand you." Another grunt, and Sam was back to research. Dean, however, stared._

_What was that all about?_

* * *

_**California, 2005** _

_"Fuck, Dean! What was that all about?" Sam yelled at him after the manager kicked them out of the fancy restaurant._

_"Called me gay. Told me I was a freak."_

_"That's still not a reason to smash someone's nose into pieces! You know we will have to pay for that, right?"_

_"No we don't," Dean said and got into the car. Sam tried to figure out what was wrong with his brother, but as they drove into the darkness, he eventually forgot and drifted into an uneasy slumber, only to wake up at the image of Jess dying._

* * *

**_New_   _York, 2013_**

_Damn it. After just reuniting with newly-human Cas, this_ had _to happen._

 _They were absolutely_ smashed _; Cas, being new in this, couldn't even hold his head uptight without getting giggling like a schoolgirl; and they had been just talking. They had found out that Cas was a flirty, happy drunk just a few minutes ago, and they were having fun talking with him._

 _"I... felll frrom_ Heaven _, buuuuut you are the_ best _thing I've ever seeeeeeenn!" Cas exclaimed happily, and Dean and Sam laughed, doing more shots. But of course, this dick_  had to _come up and mumble how Cas was a 'good ol' faggot'_ or _something like that, and Dean being Dean, of course, had to drunkenly get up and beat the shit out of the man._

_Sam gasped. "Bro. he's just a dick! Let him go!" Cas nodded heavily, but downed his beer carelessly. He looked used to it by now, and Sam wished he could be as well. Dean always did this, after all._

* * *

**_An hour_   _earlier_**

_The case was closed. Finally. Dean drained his beer, grinning at Sam._

_"To the first one ever since the Removal!" He exclaimed happily. Loud enough to draw a bunch of douches' attention._

_"Oh, faggot boy and his toy are celebrating!" A yell came and the laughter following it made Dean's cheery expression turn into a dark one. He turned around._

_"What did you just say?"_

_"I said what I said, fag." The douchebags laughed again, and that was when Dean threw the first punch. He kicked and punched and yelled like crazy, downing two, three men at one time. By the time the manager came in and ended it, Dean had left bad damages on the men, who all ran away like sissies._

_"Get out now!" The manager yelled, and as Sam dragged Dean outside, Dean kept saying "They deserved it." Great. This time Sam wasn't going to let go of that._

* * *

"Dean. I'm still waiting for an answer, you know. This happened four times now, I want to know why you get overly tense whenever someone teases you about your… _preferences_ , which, by the way, we all know is not _that_."

"I don't know what to say, Sam," Dean exclaims loudly. "What _do_ you want me to say, huh? That I am a dumb son of a bitch who gets angry over dumb crap because of his super low self-esteem? It's true, though. I _am_ a dumb son of a bitch who has self-trust issues, but we both know that's not why I get completely mad over this, don't we?" Sam sighs. 

"Damn it, Dean, I know _nothing_! You always avoid talking or distract me whenever we get into _this_ subject, you avoid it like the plague! You never answer my damn questions!"

Dean lets his eyes wander around for a bit, questioning himself if he _really_ wants to talk about this. He can't help but think of all the times this subject was opened, all the people who figured it out before _he_ even did, all the times he was insulted, or he _thought_ he was insulted, and felt really uncomfortable. He has been avoiding this forever. He doesn't want to talk about it, because he knows that talking about it will make it _real,_ something he can't run from forever. After all, Sam _did_ tell him that they were brothers and if he wanted to talk about anything to anyone, he could talk to him.  And he really doesn't want to hide it, after the Mark and all the things it did to him. After this whole demon thing, he finally figured the meaning of all the guilty pleasures he got from that old _job_ of his, all the stolen glances he unwillingly gave to people has finally been placed, the question of why he wasn't _that_ bothered about personal space when it came to _some people_. It all made sense now, good or bad. And some time has passed from this realization, too, some time to digest the… _news_ , and think about it. Even though he doesn't like it, he accepts that _that_ is a part of him. That doesn't mean he accepts it, but it _does_ mean that he acknowledges it  But should he say it out loud? How would Sam even _react_? Deep down, Dean knows that his brother would be okay with this, but he is also afraid of his brother reacting badly. After all, after this realization Dean made inside himself, he had finally figured out the reason of all the bad looks his dad has given him. Why Sam was always the first priority compared to himself, one of the reasons at least. But the guy's dead, and Sam doesn't want to be like him, right? _Right_??

Why does _Dean_ has to be _this_ weird, anyway? Couldn't God gave _that_ to Sam or _anyone_ else, Dean was _already_ weird, damn it! 

"Dean? You're scaring me," Sam says, and Dean snaps back to reality. "And I'm _still_ waiting for a proper answer." 

Dean decides that he will deny everything until he can't anymore, because that's just the way it is. No admitting easily in the Winchester house. Just denying until you just can't anymore. 

"I don't like talking about it."

"Well," Sam says. "Hate to break it to you, but you just can't beat up half of a goddamn bar near to death and _still_ avoid the question by simply telling _you don't like talking about it_ , so I don't give a damn whether you like to talk about it or not. We _are_ talking about this. Why are you _so_ freaking overprotective when it comes to something about you?"

"Because I nevere trust myself already, okay Sam? That's why! I'm just a big pile of no-worth shit, and everyone knows it! I'm not open when it comes to stuff like this, I hate talking about my life, or worse, I hate it when somenone talks shit about my life. Because I already _know_ that my life is shitty! I know that I suck! I know that I'm dumb! I wish I was more open about chick-flick moments, I _wish_ I could've been more like you in every goddamn way, but I'm _not_ , okay? I am just not!" He stops, hesitates before he continues. "That's the way _I_ raised _you_ , but not the way _Dad_ raised _me_. That's not who I am." 

Sam's look becomes rather sympathetic than angry, and he slowly walks over to Dean, gently putting his hand to Dean's shoulder. "Dean, I know that's not who you are, but I need to understand. i need to know why. you know why? Because I care about you and want to help you. _Please_. Why do you get so mad whenever someone teases you about things you clearly are not? Why do you get so offendedwhen someone calls you a freak, tells you you're dumb, that you're _gay_? You're not, we all know _that_ , doesn't that matter? Why do you get so overprotective? Why do you feel like you need to prove something?" Dean looks wounded now. The look in his eyes breaks Samn's heart, a look that is filled with self-loathing, hiding and desperation. 

Dean stares at his brother's big hazel eyes, tears starting to fill his own. He mumbles something Sam can't make out, and turns his head away.

"What did you say?"

"I need to be overprotective, because if I'm not, everything will come out."

Sam smirked. "What, that you're _dumb_?"

"No, Sam," Dean says. His words now have a heavier tone. "That I _used_ to be a _cocksucker_. That I _am_ a freak of nature who has at least half homosexual relations, Who swings both ways. That I-" he hiccups, and continuues. "That I _deserve_ to be called such words." he feels a few tears spill down his cheeks and onto his lap, but he can't care anymore. Yeah, let Sam know. Let him leave like every goddamn thing on earth that you love and care about. Let him down as well. He feels so damn numb. 

Sam goes still at his brother's words. Does Dean really think _that_ low of himself? He feels bad now, not because what Dean feels about people or his preferences, but because he thought that Sam wouldn't accept him the way he was. That Sam wouldn't understand what he did for him, and abandom him because of it. That he hated. 

"Dean, we're _definitely_ talking about the first thing you said, but if _I_ was the one who liked guys _and_ girls, if _I_ was the one who did what I could to feed _you,_ would you judge me? Would you tell me that it is _not_ okay to love whoever you want?" 

Dean's answer is instant. " _God_ , no, Sammy. Of course not! But what does this have to do with-"

"it has to do with _everything_ , Dean! If you like guys as well, I'm not going to judge you. If you couldn't find another way to keep me, your ever hungry brother fed, the only person to judge is Dad." He sighs. "All I'm saying is, it's all okay. _You're_ okay. Bisexuality isn't something to scold someone over about."

 _Bisexuality_. That is what it's called. That's what Dean is; _bisexual_. 

The word, even the thought of it is so strange, yet so damn familiar. He has heard the word before, but never related it to himself. Even when he acknowledged Who he was, the word was never in his mind. A term makes it _real_. But it also makes him sound like he's sick. 

"But I like a dude, Sam! That's not okay  I want to _fuck_ a dude! I am _in love_ with a dude!" _Whoa_. Where has _that_ come from? He knew there was _someone_ whom he had _feelings_ for, but is it _love_? Is it _that_ much?

Then he realizes. It is _more_ than that. He feels like he's a half of him  he feels like the dude is the whole world to him, someone who has helped him to _be_ himself again, to feel  _whole_ again, to live again. Someone who makes him feel like he's worth it.

Sam, of course, being Sam, gets it ina second. How could he not see it before? How _ignorant_ was he to not realize what has been going on right in front of his eyes?

"It's okay that you are in love, Dean. No judging here. Being in love is not something that is _bad_ or _filthy_. I get that you think it is, but you shouldn't think so low of yourself. You saved the world many times, after all. And about _him_ …" he grins. "Well, he _is_ something different, isn't he? God, am I stupid. Dean, even when _I_ didn't realize it, he saw that you don't thing you deserve to be _saved_. He saw right inside your soul. He's _different_ , Dean. He's _the one_ for you." Dean groans jokingly.

"You _had_ to go and use that _the one_ crap, didn't you? Didn't  _the one_ stuff made our lives all crappy?" Then his smile becomes a rather sad one. 

"But I know it would _never_ work out between him and me. He's a _savior_ , a dude who's in love with _humanity_. Not me." 

"But I'm sure he _will_ make an exception for 'The Righteous Man'."

Dean chuckles sadly. "Man, I _wish_ I could know if he would." 

Sam takes a deep breath. "Well, you came out to _me_ , right? I think that's a good start, Dean. a start for something _new_. A new era. A good one, too. Maybe you can be a little more open and he can notice and… Who knows? I just want you to be happy. It wan be with a guy, a girl, an angel, or whatever. But no demons, please. We both know how _that_ worked out." They laugh. Dean releases the breath he didn't realise he's been holding. He has finally taken the chains off his chest.

"Man, there was this waiter in Oklahoma who was _real_ cute,  but turnedout to be a demon. God, imagine how freaked out I was. Now imagine how relieved I feel that I can tell you this without having to censor everything and try not to die a little."

"Aw, Dean. Then why didn't you tell me this _before_ , man?"

"Couldn't. Felt too embarassed, I was trying to ignore it, but then the demon thing happened and there was this reslly cute guy at some bar and we _kinda_ slept together and then the musical happened, then at the confessinal you told me-”

"Yeah, okay, I get it. You speak too fast when you get excited."

Dean blushes, and looks down, but Sam can see him smiling.

"Well," he says. "Like I said, I am  _really_  happy that you told me all this. Now I don't have to play _What's Wrong With Dean This Time?_ game." They laugh again.

"Okay. It's getting late, and we still gotta hit to road in the morning. Get some rest," says Dean finally. They both strip and get to their beds. Sometime after the lights are off, Dean speaks. 

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

After some silence, a faint _thanks_ come back. Sam smiles.

"Don't mention it. Dean?"

"Hmm?"

"…I don't think Cas would mind."

"I am kind of regretting telling you this."

"Ha ha. Seriously, though. I think…" he thinks before he continues. "I think he needs a _savior_ as well. I mean, who protects the protector? _Love_."

A moment of silence and no answer, Sam continues.

"Also, he needs someone to _grip him tight and raise him to_ -"

"Okay, I get it."

"I mean, I think he would let you touch his angel blade-"

"Sam, that's just gross."

Sam chuckles. "Okay, okay. Seriously though, think about it, okay?"

"…I will."

"Thanks."

"Good night, lil' brother."

"Good night, Dean. Love you."

Dean sighs in relief. And, for the first time in his _life_ , he feels like he deserves to be saved. like he's worth it.

Huh.

After all, telling, letting it out _was_ a good idea.

Who would gave known?

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I LOVE Dean because I can symphatize with him in many ways. We are both the bigger siblings who are shorter than their smaller one, who by the way has relly long hair. We both have REAL bad self-worth issues, not open about stuff that much, really into the concept of personal space, and have I mentioned, bisexual. I hope you enjoyed this, because I just had to get it out, this subject has been bothering me forever, and please don't forget to leave a kudos and a comment, they make me live! Stay awesome!


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